As a man, isn't it better to avoid high deferred mahr amounts?

Yeah, certainly, and that's going to be part of the negotiation.

Yes, it is preferred to avoid debt.

But it is permissible to go into debt.

The prophet died and he owed three dirhams to a Jewish man that he had held his shield as a collateral so that he could buy wheat for his family.

In this Hadith, we find that there's a few things:

• the permissibility of using credit

• the permissibility of doing business with non muslims

• the permissibility of taking debt when one has a need

• the permissibility of collateralizing that debt

• the imperative of being able to pay that off.

So obviously, that was paid off from the value of his estate as he died sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, but it was to exemplify that this is an issue.

Is asking of others meaning going into debt or taking credit is this disliked?

And the basis is that it's not disliked unless somebody is doing something which is beyond their ability.

So if a man is going to agree to a deferred mahr, he needs to make sure that it's reasonable and it's something that he can pay off in due time, not something that's going to be over his head and certainly not something that would be used kind of as a carrot in a stick issue between him and his wife over the long term.

And again, that means that, you know hey, if she's demanding this and it's unreasonable for me, maybe she's not the right person for me because her living her lifestyle, her spending habits might not be amenable to mine.