What is it that both a man and a woman should avoid, when discussing the topic of mahr?

That word is entitlement.

So, if a woman walks into a marriage with an entitled attitude. I deserve this. I'm worth this. Making their self worth about the money. That's very detrimental.

But, as well with a man, if a man walks into a marriage saying, I deserve this. I'm not going to pay that. Then they also have a sense of entitlement to what the woman's going to be given.

And, so I think that the mahr discussion is a very good way of kind of gauging the values that you've gotten to or you claim to agree upon. And understanding it's not a perfect marker for those values, but it helps as kind of litmus test for how negotiable and how much self worth the person finds in themselves and how much worth they find in me.